I am in the process of defragging my internal hard drive.
I realized recently that I was in the minority regarding experiencing financial freedom. What a wake up call for me. I have spent years thinking about being rich, wanting to be rich and not being rich. What to do? I have read some fascinating material on energy and the mechanics of creation, and do realize and accept that the reality I experience, I also create.
Realizing this; my next step is to accept responsibility for my own creations. I have been a kind creator in many aspects as I have always had food to eat, shelter, loving family and friends. On the other hand I have walked with fear of not enough for many years. This fear has kept me up nights wondering how to pay bills, and not being able to take trips and do things just for pleasure.
Upon realizing this I began a new process of internal hard drive defrag within my self. This process is based on understanding that all the thoughts; ideas and ability to create have always been within me. As a small child I remember knowing that the Universe was my playground and understanding that every thing was my brother and sister. I knew and felt the Oneness of it all. Looking back I see the many steps taken to change my beliefs for the poorer of me. Like many, my family got by, got along. We always had enough, and squeaked through each week. I heard and accepted the myths of poverty and adopted them as my own.
Now I look back and realize these are the very creations I need to release as they are the limits that wall me in and chain me to a loop of poverty.
To begin the personal hard drive defrag process I sat down and wrote out what I really, really desire in life. Being aware of how I feel when I write down each thing is a good indicator of the need to defrag. I felt a little tug, nudge of those limit beliefs telling me it was doubtful that I would have these things. Now I knew for sure I was on the right track. I continued my list of desires adding details and allowing myself to see these things with my eyes closed. I began taking time daily to experience them in my mind and feelings, walking through my home, my garden, driving my new car and riding my horses.
I wrote down affirmations and gratitude lists and with each one paid attention to those tugs and doubts. These are the areas that need to be defragged. One of my personal insights was when I realized I didn’t desire lots of money so I could be like Scrooge and just spend my days counting my money. I really desire a beautiful home, new clothes, travel, and money to give my children and friends. This was a break through for me, as I understood that my desire for lots of money was an indicator of my dreams and hopes.
I found one area in need of defrag by listening to the terms I use to describe my expenses. My electric, phone, Internet, and, insurance expenses were referred to as "bills". Mercy. Who wants bills??? No one.
When the little flag went up as I was talking about needing to pay "bills" I quickly set the defrag program into action. These are not bills; they are products I purchase each month to bring ease, comfort and joy into my life. Ah, now that feels better.
The process of defragging my internal hard drive works with awareness of thoughts, as these thoughts are the beliefs, the energy I am putting out into the Universe. They are my personal orders for more of the same. When I go to a restaurant and tell the server what I want to eat I don’t always order the same thing. The server brings me what I order. The same is true with my thoughts and beliefs. Going back to the computer metaphor, I can only play games I have downloaded on my hard drive, I can only run programs installed on my hard drive. In my life the programs I run over and over again in my head are the ones installed over the original set of programs. It’s like an update that takes you backwards. Now I wouldn’t install Windows 95 over my XP that would be silly. I move forward in my updates to better serve my computer needs.
The same is true with the defrag process. It brings together all the files that work in harmony. Once they are all together it’s much easier to see the ones that are not serving my purposes. I can then replace them with new programs, new thoughts, and new beliefs. Unlike my computer I don't have to uninstall them, they fall by the wayside as I bring in new thoughts and beliefs that take me forward to new experiences.
It’s my job to perform updates as needed in my belief system. I look for new program updates daily by writing in my journal, reading inspirational material and having conversations along the lines of my true desires. I listen to my words and thoughts, sometimes stating out loud "that’s not true" when I hear a thought or belief that no longer serves my purpose.
I pick my friends, conversations and experiences so that I will feel joy, harmony and excitement. I watch things on TV that uplift me, I am aware of the affect of music, conversations, foods, and activities on my body, thoughts and feelings. I am much more aware of what I am ordering; knowing that is what I will receive.
Most of all my defrag process brings me into a much greater awareness of joy in my life. I want to feel good. If whatever I am thinking or doing doesn’t add to my feeling good, I give myself permission to stop it at once and do or think something that does feel good.
Love yourself well,
©Donna DeVane, 2006